sixteen
by wisegirlgeek
Summary: oh sweetie, why can't i just be sixteen? ((My fiftieth story - thanks for everything, PJO community!)) ((thaluke freeverse plus super long AN))


oh, **darling** ,

 _you're almost_

.

S  
I  
X  
T  
E  
E  
N

.

and you

you're running from

 _innocence_

even though you left it behind **sososo**

long ago

with a pine tree

up on a _hill_

in a safe place

which kinda feels

 **like**

 **hell**

 **now**

.

i guess you're stuck

in the giant

contradiction

that

[ _most_ ]

people call

 **LOVE**

.

but what

[ _most_ ]

people don't know

is that your **love**?

.

he is no

 _dashing_

e

(oh, don't you want that)

.

guess what?

he

is

the

 _broken_

l

 **-and he's asking,**

 **what's your vice?-**

* * *

it's supposed to be exciting

 _you know_

(being

s-i-x-t-e-e-n)

.

but see

you don't get

the **party**

.

 _no no no_

{that's not how it works}

you don't get the **party**

you don't

even

get

the

 _day_

.

you get the **bright stars**

[[[full of the _girl_ you _hated_ ]]]

.

you get the **little sister**

(((the one who you _missed_ so _bad_ )))

.

you get the **annoying cousin**

{{{why does your whole life feel so _fricking_ _funny_?}}}

.

you don't get the **boy**

isn't that

how

 _fairytales_

are supposed

 _to e/n/d?_

* * *

you don't want

to be an

i~m~m~o~r~t~a~l

but it's either that

or

 _damnation_

[for all of eternity]

choose _choose_ **choose**

 **.**

 **life** sucks

you know?

it reallyreallyreallyreally does

 _but our life?_

yeah, we break even that normality

* * *

think about something

 _if you look into the chasm_

 _long enough_

 _it will look back at you*_

 _._

well, **thalia**

baby

you've been looking into

the

deepdarklostevil

for way too long

way-way-way

too/too/too

 _L_

 _O_

 _N_

 _G_

.

oh darling

i

want

to

fall

.

.

.

[guess what]

i'm a bit tired

of our nothing

we are nothing

i've lived for

 **sixteen**

years

{well a bit more, don't count the tree}

already

.

i'm gonna live

for

forever

ever after

.

-(how many years?

an eternity?)-

.

but we're not **sixteen**

~aren't you, like,

 _twenty-something_?~

nonono

i'm not **sixteen**

i'm never gonna be

 **sixteen**

i'm **fifteen**

forever **fifteen**

 _[forever f**king_ _ **fifteen**_

instead of a

 _surviving s***ty_ _ **sixteen**_

why

…

a

r

e

…

w

e

.

.

.

these pieces of a _heart_?]

.

we should be together

 _together forever past never_

.

oh **sweetie**

why can't i just be

 **sixteen**?

* * *

things just went down

the _worstworstworst_

road

we kinda winded

 _()()_ around _()()_

love

l-o-v-e

 _love_

l/o/v/e

l.o.v.e

 **love**

l~o~v~e

[[guess we went

right

instead

of

left.

isn't

that

right?

((oh **luke** baby

aren't you so funny?

well nobody

NOBODY

cares, _darling_ ))]]

.

i'm so sick

of the _startling_

 _ **scary**_

reality

that's

r

i

g

h

t

in front of us

.

us?

 **youyouyou**

 _ **mememe**_

that broken

together

forever

heart

* * *

 _dreams_ that we lost

when we floated up

into

the clouds

~w~e~l~l~, our **souls** went

not us

we aren't gone

not/not/not/not yet

.

maybe someday

the _dust_

will **roll** away

.

until then we're stuck

(contradictions that'll last till the **end** . . . . . . )

.

* * *

 _*quote loosely by Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

 **THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYBODY! Commence the long note . . .**

 **Exactly a year and a day ago, I joined FF . net. Exactly a year ago, I published my first story! It's my FF birthday.**

 **I've gotten really far as both a person and a writer in these twelve months. I have so so so many people to thank, so here's to the big ones (I care about all of you, though!)**

 **DRAKONOWL21195, for being my first FF friend and actually one of my closest friends in the real world, too, even though we've never met.**

 **THELITTLEDEFORMEDONE, or JAKE. You're awesome. Coffee is awesome. Did I mention the coffee? :) no but seriously thanks for being so funny and always helping me through blocks and stuff.**

 **OREOCAT155338. My first reviewer and a great supporter of Excuse Me?, one of my worst stories.**

 **KORI A. GRAYSON, a great friend and supporter.**

 **EEVEELUTIONS ARE AWESOME, for being supportive, a wonderful reviewer and writer, and generally epic.**

 **DOYOUEVERWONDERWHY, a fellow angster.**

 **HOBBITOFROHAN, wonderlandiful writer who seriously needs to get more credit and who is basically pretty cool.**

 **ANIMALJAM, for being a completely dedicated thoughtful reviewer and an awesome writer, too.**

 **PSYCHONERDGIRL, also an epic reviewer :D**

 **KOOLKAT0207. We haven't talked in a super long time and all, but you were super supportive.**

 **E. DARKBOW. An excellent rant buddy.**

 **ANYBODY WHO HAS EVER COMMENTED AND SUPPORTED ME WITH MY REVIEW CAMPAIGN. I'm so glad that people are hearing my voice and helping me revive Percy Jackson. The series deserves to live. It's the one of the only things keeping a lot of us from falling apart.**

 **GUESTS. I can't personally thank all of you, but you've all given me so much support and I'm very thankful.**

 **ANYBODY WHO HAS EVER READ MY WORK. I know that all my actual descriptive writing is kinda awkward, but anybody who has ever read my work . . . thank you.**

* * *

 **Note to my new readers, if there are any ::: anything written before October 2016 is trash. No exceptions.**

* * *

 **My resolution of the FF new year—I'm going to try to write longer things. I mean. poetry is gonna be short, still, but I'm going to try to write more oneshots. Everything I write is pretty short . . . but still. I should try harder.**

 **I'm currently on the author alert list of fifty people (person per story :)), and on the favorites list of 49. If you'd like to be number 50, the button is . . . . somewhere down there.**

 **I'm honestly so happy that people care enough to read my wretched angsty writing. I'm not stopping anytime soon, I swear. I might take longer breaks, though. No new stories everyday. FF . net is starting to annoy me with all the glitching.**

* * *

 **This one is for you. They all are for you. All the ones who have supported me. All the ones who will. Thanks for always helping me out in dark times.**

 **Don't think I'm leaving anytime soon, people. I'm . . . 12. I'll stay on here for at least five more years. There are plenty of more stories coming. More angst.**

 **Thanks for everything,**

 **WGG**

 **(And if you've read through the gigantic author's note, thanks too.)**


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